Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize