It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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