i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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