Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
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This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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