Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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