Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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