If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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