some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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