how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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