my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
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I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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