You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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