I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize