Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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