I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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