Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize