is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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