It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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