I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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