oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize