remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize