I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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