Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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