Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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