At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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