also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize