I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize