Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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