so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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