But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize