cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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