I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize