Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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