why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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