She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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