forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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