come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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