Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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