I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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