She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
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On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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