I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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