Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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