I am puke
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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