no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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