Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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