I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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