I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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