Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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