Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize