Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize