I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize