So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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